I'll admit, when I had my first baby, the thought of attachment parenting terrified me! I had this picture in my head of these amazing women who had their happy babies in their arms constantly, perfectly clean houses, well juggled lives who never ever lost their temper or needed a 5 minute breather to themselves. Whilst I know these types of women probably exist (kudos to you ladies!), it's not always a realistic image of what attachment parenting is, or rather what I find attachment parenting means!
When I had my babies I was really young, 18 for my first and 21 for my second and my well-meaning family felt the need to tell me how to do everything. Many aspects of attatchment parenting that I loved the look of or liked the idea of, I was (stupidly) talked out of. Obviously they meant well, but I was born in the early 90's where formula feeding and 'crying-it-out' seemed to be 'the way to parent'. I was constantly told various things such as "leave him to cry, he'll learn to become independent", "you'll make a rod for your back if you keep picking him up" and I quote "he needs a bottle of formula, that way he'll get the nutrients he needs, to grow some more hair". I have my lovely mother in law to thank for the latter as my little man was a baldy. Well, baldy and proud!
Getting to three months of breastfeeding with my first, was a massive and difficult achievement for me. We were having so much trouble with feeding, persistent thrush, reoccurring mastitis and tongue tie amongst these, and I was getting barely any support at home from family. I must admit my mother and husband were amazing throughout this!
By my second baby, I had become as stubborn as anything. I was going to breastfeed and babywear and do what I felt was best for my little one! This time, I did my own research and I knew what had worked for the first time.
Attachment parenting, or at least the concept of it, brought me to baby-wearing, cloth nappies and opened me up to the concept that my baby isn't just a crying, pooping, time-consuming little creature, but a little human being who knows nothing of the world. I had never really thought about how it must feel to be a baby, and I don't think many do, after all we don't remember these years. I can't imagine not understanding what's going on around me, not being able to communicate through words of any kind or not being able to do simple things such as eat, change and clean myself. It made me realise how being close to my baby is what she needs and how letting her 'lead' the way is so beneficial to her in terms of her independence.
Attachment parenting to me, means giving my baby everything I possibly can and everything she needs, in a way that suits her. It means cuddles at 3am when she's teething, over-tired or even just needing my warmth. It means carrying her in her sling next to my heart because its a familiar sound and it's the only place she will nap in the day. It means not letting her cry it out, because I can't bare the thought of her thinking I'm not there or that I don't always have her back.
It means what you take from it. Whether that be baby wearing, co-sleeping, breast-feeding into toddlerhood and beyond. I probably don't class as a die hard attachment parent (if that exists) but it has definitely opened me up to understanding my baby more and seeing everything from her point of view. This time around I've learnt to dismiss my family and friends telling me that I'm making a rod for my back... I'd rather that and a happy girl than a stressed and upset baby.
After all, they're only babies for a short time. The 3am cuddles don't last forever, and I certainly don't want to look back in years to come, wishing I held them for longer, cuddled them closer or studied their ever-changing features more often.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Leave me a comment below about what attachment parenting means to you, and how or if it has changed the way you think about parenting since discovering it!
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